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Doubts…

Everyone is purchasing cars, purchasing new things, enjoying a lot, eating sweets. But I am a man, who cannot afford to have a nice day at all and all of these within 9th day of the month!

Responsibilities, taken a significant turn in life; so though I have enough money to survive; but I am not able to utilize them. Though I have enough money, back there in my account, but I am still not able to use them, because of the commitments. Though I have enough, still I cannot have something for myself, and just crunching myself more and more to take out all the juices inside of me. I am doing advance courses, doing groceries, cooking for both of me and wife and the new member; working in the office for more than 8 hours and again attending meetings at night. I am becoming a ROBOT. I am not able to utilize any of my ME time, as it is not there at all.

And believe me; I lost all of my personal timing after my marriage. Giving her attention, giving her more than she asked for, giving her my everything…and it is making me sick. Why? In return I am not getting anything, rather than anger, rage, nervousness, worry about the future. Sometimes I do feel that getting married was a mistake. It is better to be in a commitment, but not marriage. So that the other person can live her own life and I cam mine. Else, everything seems to go in a wrong direction after certain time.

I have a confession to make: I hate her more when she started to squeeze the entire fund for our future. I know that it is important to save so that we can have our own home after 4 or 5 years. But by doing so, we are not able to enjoy and every month, we are living a life in a tighter situation. And it makes me sick. I am not able to enjoy the finer things, I am not able to give her any gifts, I am not able to go out for dinner and all. And she is not also willing to work also! In a quote, I read, that to feel better and to get success, you should always associated with people who are also positive. But while the person you love have a negative mindset, how can you survive or get positive mindset?

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